Oh, October.

My first post in more than two years... Wow. 

I will be using this blog to document my life, happenings and hopefully positive changes. In addition, I'll post on projects I want to complete in our home. It is very therapeutic, to take time and put down your thoughts from the day, I think. I'm not a therapist so please, seriously, do not take anything I say as advice... ever. 

Without further ado, then...

This is my favorite month of the year. Autumn is fully upon us. 

As much as it's going to be here in Eastern North Carolina, at any rate. Now that it is officially October, nothing - not even 80 degree days - will stop me from wearing scarves, boots and adorable sweaters. I'll sweat myself into a happy pumpkin-spice-flavored puddle. 

Maybe it's because autumn is the season of change, or because of all the upheaval in my life at the moment, but I've been thinking a lot on the idea of change. Have you ever reached a conclusion within yourself that: I need to change. Something needs to change. I need to do SOMETHING differently than I've always done it. 

I've come to that determined yet uncertain conclusion. 

My husband's upcoming deployment has really cast a dark shadow in my life. I've not had the attitude about it that I should have, and I've made the decision to take control over the things I can actually change. I am trying so hard to have a positive attitude and not wallow in depression that my husband/best friend is going to be gone from me for more months than I care (or am permitted) to mention.

It comes out of nowhere, the little moments of realizing that he's actually leaving again. He and I will be watching our new favorite show together, Veep, and I'll look at him and be struck with the realization that I'm going to be watching it alone, soon. All at once, my chest feels like it's caving in and it's hard to breathe. That's when I'll remember I'm endeavoring not to break down into a ridiculous pond of tearful sorrow and depression. In these moments, I'll chastise myself, while quickly administering a little pep talk.

Yes, it's going to hurt when he leaves. Crying and whining and drowning in sadness over it all is stupid. It won't bring him home any sooner or get things you want to be done completed any faster. Crying just makes your eyes swell and gives you a headache. Don't cry, go run.

I'll be giving myself these talks many more times, I'm sure.

Prior to putting this post together, I was glancing at the last post I wrote in this blog in April of 2013. You'll notice, if you take a second to look back, I haven't posted a single thing since then. I started my current job that month. If that doesn't say anything about my life in the time since, I don't know what does. 

I hated not working. Every day I would see my college diploma and feel this terrible guilt - I'm wasting it. What am I doing? What should I BE doing? 

Now that I do work full time, I have a different kind of guilt. I shouldn't be wasting time. I need to get up and finish the laundry, put the dishes away, clean the bathroom, get those weeds out of the flower bed, tidy up the garage.... but it's already 8:30! I didn't know that one day I would feel guilty for not having enough time to take care of everything the way I could, before. 

We don't even have kids yet. Terrifying. 

I do get to have some fun at my job, which this Wednesday night included a Wine and Design event in which I got to participate. 

I've got to hit Pinterest for an idea on framing it. I plan on adding it to my "beach" themed wall in our hallway... I'll post on that later, I'm sure. 

I've got so many plans and so many things that I plan on accomplishing while my husband is deployed... painting all the rooms in our house, replacing some of the flooring, painting our kitchen cabinets, losing weight (40lbs is the ultimate goal but we'll see how far I can get while he's gone), fixing up our front porch and back patio, and the list goes on. 

As you can see, the "change" I mentioned before is a theme not only with myself personally (as in losing weight and feeling better and getting healthier) but with my home and my life. I want to change and improve myself and my life... so feel free to peek in on my journey. I'm sure it will be messy, hilarious, and not without some lessons learned along the way.